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Mixed to Kill

by John Halpart

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1.
God, what for Was I left alive In this sorry land  Of burning trees Mustard gas, And screaming walking dead Broken, tired, feel like shit Barely holding to my mind Tell me, tell me how Is it any good for anyone? — Demons don’t torture me anymore My flesh now rots on their teeth Don’t look into my eyes Their hunger grows in me — What, you think we’re thru? You think you win? No, I’m still breathing out and in Whatever poison wind will bring All feels like acid on the skin Was I really the worst? Were my sins that bad? To be left stranding alone In this worldwide  Echo chamber of death — Closing on giving up Ever farther from believing Hell I might survive Just to resent the life you gave me — I do need help You won’t provide And I’m supposed to be your child My only hope You read my mind ‘Cause it feels deadly out of line Before you have it all destroyed Give me one last chance To write your name in stone With my unworthy soul — Another life Another home Things you’ve promised to us all Is this the highest of your gifts? Or full collection of my fears? I will not fall another prey I hit the ground Grab a random skull Start sharpening my nails — Demons don’t fight me anymore My gods lay dead beneath my feet Don’t look into my eyes Their anger lives in me — Straight from your palace of light To the darkest of pits where I was casted to out of bitter resent to the very soul You’ve hated me into life with One day I will choose to return Bearing my burning cross And finish the work you’ve started
2.
For everyone You've ever loved Nothing is worse than to fucking love you back It always hurts To be your friend Often it drives them into grave You're gone alone Nobody's eyes Had for decades seen your face From everyone who ever did No one's left to tell your tale — It is the curse of the villain Nothing of to be ashamed Others always try To be somebody they're not Everything will be forever tainted You can never take it back It's the best for a hero Curse of the villain — The ones you save They end up dead All with whom you shared Poisoned and gone mad Your sorry face Is devil's maze Of scars you’ve shaped yourself You'll never get the life you want Hero of the ones you've never met — Wayfarer of the no man's land Light within the darkened soul Hero of the damned Fiend without control — It is the curse of the villain Nothing of to be ashamed Others always try To be somebody they're not Everything will be forever painted black You can never take it back The best kind of hero Curse of the villain — It is the curse of the villain Nothing of to be ashamed Others always tried To be somebody they're not Everything will be forever tainted You can never take it back Runs down the gene of a hero Curse of the villain
3.
A Will 05:33
On two broken knees A quick glaze up To see my axe I rest my mind Bearing my flag Blood on your arms Your face tells me I should give up There is no pain As your knife twists You speak your words But I hear bliss Please grant my wish And do it quick One can lose but once A no-surrender fight Keep marching on That alone shall kill them all — While drowning in her blood My dying god gave me this knife Painted in my whole life’s purpose death This blade goes thru my heart With the world of pain and misery With the world where you and I Wage war against the life itself It's cutting all my ties — Even without All the darkness and chaos we’ve brought The sun could never take our pain away No water would clean these wounds — Yet, I command you to breathe Learn from the darkness in your heart and live on I will you to stand up against this war Be it together or alone — Find in them what you hate the most Start with their world Send out the best of your good will  Signed in murder — Why are you still here Not dying for the cause? Child, all you need is faith Send more bodies to the front You told me what you’ve lost You told me what you want To the glory now I’m showing you the fucking road It is up to us To set things right There could be no Better judges for their lusts Go scourge the earth Now, shatter skies Poison their seas No one’s to be left alive — From where we are now There might be no way out for us What little set of paths we ever had We have bathed in blood — Even without All the darkness and chaos we have brought The sun could never take our pain away No water would clean these wounds — Yet, I command you to breathe Learn from the darkness in your heart, be proud of it, and live on I will you to stand up against this war Against all the odds
4.
Asylum 05:03
Don't want to cross my mind with yours There are no answers to my questions Only adopted, false, Imagined knowledge of the verse My lies are set to rest my soul Your only goal - gain more control Don't waste your precious time on me I’ll never share your fake believes Your patronage of defective breed Will someday make us see you bleed They just were lost - you've made 'em weak Doomed to fail, foolish creed — All the reckless will be stopped Every fraud will meet its sharpened knife We'll stay a burden For their fucking lives My pride Is calling out my name Make no mistake: all my “I am” Might as well have been “we are” — Let my body go There’s no more room in the house for the insane We tried to make a difference You've made it all in vain Time won't help you To untie yourself from what you've done From what you have become No rest for us until you're gone — Every time you open your mouth I wanna scratch my ears, rip out my eyes Every shit that you came up with Echoes sick and undefined Our lives can't be the same Your minds have drowned in your own pain While the restless liars to the prey Straighten lines to your mass grave — All the reckless will be stopped Every fraud will meet it's sharpened knife We'll stay a burden For their fucking lives My pride Is calling out my name Make no mistake: all my “I am” Might as well have been “we are” — Let my people go There is no more room in the house for the insane We tried to make a difference You've made it all in vain Time won't help you To untie yourself from what you've done Justice will be served Then we'll be gone
5.
Last Stand 04:49
Lay waste! Tonight We'll be remembered as the light Of the Armageddon It's our turn to play The game of fate When blood Becomes one with ground This may be a stronghold of our drowned dreams But it belongs to us — Kill the invaders Battlecry is our prayer to the gods Hold your ground Soon it's time to break the line Heroes of our time Are here and now on both your sides Ten bloody years of history Will end on this last stand — Another day; another fight Soon will be the very last to count Oh what disturbs us? Only (the) beasts we've turned inside From right to left we'll scream It's our way to greet your death This may be a stronghold of our drowned dreams But it belongs to us — We are here to die If you dig any deeper You'll find we're just another wave That accomplished nothing We came here to die We fight for being remembered We were born to die today — Kill the invaders Battlecry is our prayer to the gods Hold your ground Soon it's time to break the line Heroes of our time Are here and now on both your sides Ten bloody years of history Will end on this last stand
6.
Leave me behind My home is right where the battle’s taking place Can't stand the judging eyes Everywhere outside my bed If they wanna take my flesh I’ll gladly tear it of my soul It feels like all this fucking stench Was their way to end us all My hands are burning red Most of the pain goes straight into my head Many tried to find a cure, but There is no salvation for the damned You cannot fight The sick did prevail over the bright Last chance to stay among the dead alive Is to relax and join the ride — It’s been over 20 years Since I breathed air instead of smoke Every day is like wandering in the forest blindfolded by death There is no way to find a road It's been over a lifetime Since I had a restful sleep In thick fog I trace a perfect circle Number one among the sick
7.
I'm on my last stop My cage is too cold to sleep Too many thoughts Too much to regret and rethink I keep all about you in mind Analyze it all the time There is nothing here anyway But pictures of you scratched into my eyes — It came from the same place as I We were sharing these walls and windows of bars I wasn’t the first and I doubt I’ll be the last For your affection there’s always a hunt Always a race, always a war I’ll never see it again but I know it is on — Every day is a trial I can't get out There is no point in trying Neither can stop There is an old barbed wire Around the bars My blood is never dry on it I scream for the riot Can't be done This prison's only for me I’m here the only one The only light here is fire Burning in my wounds With every spark the pain Tends not to loose
8.
Home 04:37
Last night, again Had to move out beating the sun: they were coming for us Just like we were forced to leave our home With no discuss Lost in the morning sun We said goodbye to another piece of frozen ground To make a living for my men Nothing’s left to trade, starting today We are getting short on supplies We are leaving people behind Getting deeper into hatred and lies Or is it all in my mind? — Every road to walk is crawled With shadows of the haunting past We are what’s left of a selfish desire We are exiles for you And we’re here to be outcast Every turn to take is full Of hateful strangers' eyes We are the offspring of the sickest family We are traitors in blood — I pour the last tears of poison into a broken chalice I said to you my final words My part is done, I can't find another justice At this point my rations might be all having any worth — Every road to walk is crawled With shadows of the haunting past We are what’s left of a selfish desire We are exiles for you And we’re here to be outcast Every turn to take is full Of hateful strangers' eyes We are the offspring of the sickest family We are traitors in blood
9.
I only hear As clear as I’m allowed What lies beneath the words? Truth is hidden from my eyes The corrupted power That rests on corrupted slaves Now when all rules are gone Time for the rat to play its game His private army Has high morale and zero boundaries You better stay away Or end up beyond any help Only a truly dark mind has a chance To be friends with the crowned old rat — Games of the Wicked King You won't be down to play with him Not down to play with him There is no win When playing with the Wicked King Sacrifices will be made When playing with the Wicked King — His palace stands On a mountain of his former friends’s heads His people live in shit Near his golden steps Ones who can speak Are always fast to be gone or deadly sick For many there's no need to care, ‘Cause Bishop clearly said: "God supports the King!" — There’s no escape from here You have to stay and work hard Tomorrow's another long day No can be late Our god has other castles here and there Only the King and his dear friends Can cross the state
10.
At the point where life starts costing too much Far beyond the borders of its bliss A spirit approached my forever lost,  Locked in a dying body soul, and instructed it: Bring me the weak Feed me their hearts Bring me yourself Armed, on your knees No morals, no meaning — those were lost In the sea of lies and empty words Selling poison as justice for the ill In the name of the future that couldn’t be real Death was fare, we’ve survived With numbers and hate, truth on our side Since then Spirit’s wisdom was wide and well-known When punching up, one can never be wrong — Our children were taught Well enough  To be strong in the face  Of the former gods How to hold the ground And swing the sword of our truth Sacrifice all  For the higher cause — Why you keep to yourself Secrets that could mend your broken world For better or for worse But to hell is the only road you want to know The shit you come up with to save your hide Every day brings out the absolute worst in me — The next thing was hunger, then rivers turned red Things I’ve done for this blooded throne of regrets Don’t even know how, but I asked Spirit one more time How to stop the pain, it said: Show me hell Right now, here, on this Earth Rip out shame from your chest Feed it to the flame Looking back at the bodycount When was the starting point of the dive? Out of sight, out of mind, my father said In the name of the Spirit — all is just On the landscape of power How could not we be right? The oppressed and offended army of justice Serving all the humankind — Why you keep to yourself Secrets that could mend your broken world For better or for worse But to hell is the only road you want to know The shit you come up with to save your pride Every day brings out the absolute worst in me — Sacrifice all  For the higher cause
11.
All bets are off Can't change your answer The hellhounds are on your trail For you there’s no more questions For what it's worth Congratulations From this point on No more retries One life, RNG to max No refunds As long as you keep the rules in mind I am sure you’ll just be fine — We are long past the boiling point Closer to the place we belong Closer to the edge where the old barbed fence Ends twisted in a smiley face This one won’t be the last to fight Tell everyone: come take a byte Scratch down one more Another day, another threshold’s left behind — The safety net was taken down Now what’s beneath is another kind of road Only time will tell how many deaths We were destined to avoid — This is where the black screen hits There are no choices left in the catalogue For you and me this time there will be no After-credits epilogue — What were your thoughts When the wall of fangs formed right behind your back? Was it your first face time with the tricky freedom? Or for the first time wanting pain? What courage did it take? Was it just a desperate rebel’s call To pass beyond this point of no return? — Will you give up or go down loud? Let us leave “running” to the smart Since the crossing of the bottom line Your heartbeat’s very frowned upon — Feed me your higher lie Feed me your higher lie
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about

This is horrible. Hence the name. Consider this a demo and a raw idea, please, nothing more.

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released June 25, 2019

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MemoryLick Tokyo, Japan

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